Dear Recovering Perfectionist,
Last week I shared 5 things I’m horrible at
…replying to emails, putting away laundry, arriving on time, craft hoarding, and staying the course without getting distracted 🐿
For most of my life these things would have been impossible for me to share. The idea of allowing other people to find out how messy and imperfect I actually am was a non-starter. Do you want to know what changed all of that?
Lowering the bar.
It started by taking a cue from my husband. He is perpetually late, and a person who previously prided myself on being on-time-to-a-fault, this, understandably, created conflict. But at some point I noticed that I was regularly zipping around in a stress tornado trying to be on time, while he was casually enjoying life.
So I did a little experiment, and tried to let go of the need to be on time. Then I just waited to see what happened.
And you know what happened?
Nothing.
I didn’t lose friends, I’m not estranged from my family as a result, I didn’t lose a job, and to my genuine surprise my entire life did not crumble to the ground.
The bar I set was way too high — Be on time or early… always. And by setting that expectation for myself it meant:
I sacrificed some of my (and my husband’s 😂) happiness trying to make it happen
I made it impossible to succeed
I left no room for flexibility and the unexpected realities of life
I couldn’t even see how impossibly high the bar even was until I started to let go just a little.
When we set the bar too high, we almost always lose. And the thing we lose is actually pretty huge.
It’s the ability to see ourselves as capable. And in my opinion, the way we see ourselves is the only thing that matters. By lowering the bar we allow ourselves to:
celebrate wins more often
generate momentum
feel successful
believe in our capability
reach for that high bar we actually care about
So this week I encourage you to find one place to lower the bar and see what happens. If you do, I’d love to hear all about it. Drop a comment below and tell me about the bar you’re gonna lower. I can’t wait to high five you for it 😊
